Two weeks ago I shared that in my experience, in order to ‘Move Up Faster’, we need to be authentic in all four areas of our life: Self, Family, Community and Business.

Here’s how I look at it, as four concentric circles, each of which is one of my ‘lives’:

As I said, if we want to succeed then we need to get our actions and our values in alignment across all our ‘lives’. Today I would like to talk only about myself and my family.

I’d like to think about how we all can consider how we approach our relationships with those closest to us – and what actions we take – in the context of our Family ‘lives’ in 2025.

In mid 2022, I started to feel that I was drifting apart from my wife, Ivonka.

Maybe it was the stress of COVID? Maybe it was the fact that I had been working obsessively for the past 11 years on growing business? Maybe it was the financial strain of trying to build the perfect family home for the previous three years? 

Something was ‘off’ with us. I felt disconnected from my best friend, the woman who I had known was ‘the one’ for the past 21 years, the person who gave birth to our three awesome daughters.

I realized that I needed to change something, or our relationship was only going to end up in one place.

The more we put in, the more we get out, right?

So, in late 2022 I decided to start taking several hours for lunch every Friday. I wanted to use that time for us to be one-on-one with each other.

Yes, some days I had to ‘cancel’ and worked the whole day. But many Fridays I was able to take off completely, and after dropping the kids off at school we drove to Breck or Vail to ski for three hours. Other times, we just had lunch together, or went for a two-hour hike in the mountains across the street from our house. (Boulder is a great place to live and work!)

We just needed to spend more time together, and talk.

We weren’t drifting apart. I wasn’t investing enough time one-on-one in our relationship for it to work. Actually, I was taking it for granted. (Sorry Ivonka). I didn’t value my wife any less. I just was prioritizing my other ‘lives’ ahead of my Family ‘life’. I know that if I don’t invest time and effort in my Business ‘life’, I am setting myself up to fail. The same is true of our Family ‘life’ too. We need to invest all the time. Not money. But effort, focus, concentration, even love.

In late 2023, it was clear that the disciplined approach of having a recurring calendar ‘date’ on my schedule, was working! My investment was succeeding. I was happier. Ivonka was happier. Our home life was better.

This got me thinking; my wife is only part of my Family ‘life’. What about my kids? How could I put more of myself into my relationship with my nine, 15 and 21 year-old daughters?

I decided that in 2024, I’d spend at least one weekend a year together with each of them. We’d do exactly what they wanted to do. With no interruptions.

This did feel like a big commitment. Planning three separate trips, over three weekends, felt overly ambitious. I’m already way too busy. This was surely going to be too much to fit into an already packed schedule.

But remember: the more I put in, the more I get out.

I arranged a three-night trip with my 15 year-old, and another three-night trip with my 9 year-old. I applied the same formula to each trip (camping in Salida, Colorado with one daughter, and camping in Crested Butte, Colorado with the second one). We toasted s’mores over a log fire for breakfast, read books before crawling into the tent to sleep at night, and mountain biked during the day.

My oldest daughter decided she wanted to spend a ‘jazz weekend’ in NYC. We went to Blue Note and Village Vanguard at night, and I showed her around Manhattan, where we all used to live for 15 years (before we changed to our outdoor lifestyle in the Rockies).

After each trip, I really felt that my connection with my daughters was stronger than ever before. There was a definitive halo effect that I cherished.

So, Friday ‘dates’ with my wife from 2023. One on one ‘dad and daughter’ trips from 2024.

Assuming I have another 30 years left – a typical American in Boulder, Colorado lives, on average, until about 80 years old – that’s 30 more one-on-one annual trips with each of my daughters, and some 1,500 Friday dates with my wife.

I need to stay consistent. I need to remember that ‘the more I put in, the more I get out’, in the relationships with the four women who rule my life.

Here is how I think about how we all can align our actions around our Family ‘life’ in 2025, with ‘the more we put in, the more we get out’, as the North Star.

(btw, this framework follows my Return on Marketing Career post – yes, this RoMC framework isn’t just about my Business ‘life’, it also directly relates to my Personal, my Family and my Community ‘lives’ too.)

Step 1, Get Out of your Comfort Zone: Do a quick audit of your Family ‘life’. How is your relationship with your primary partner? With your parents? Siblings? Extended family? Kids, if you have kids? Is there someone that you need to get closer to in 2025?

Step 2, Develop a New Skill: What if, instead of expecting that person to take the first step, you leaned in? What if you tested ‘putting in more’, without expecting anything in return?

Step 3, Create more Value: I find that in close personal relationships, Value is created when I lean in. If I want more ‘care’, I need to care first. If I want others to call, I need to call them. If I want someone to listen to me, I need to listen to them. What action can you take, to get this reciprocal exchange of value started, by first creating more value for the people that you love?

Step 4: Move Up Faster: In the context of your Family ‘life’, moving up faster is creating stronger authentic relationships. When I show up and consciously take steps to get closer to the people I love, that’s all that matters.

What does my philosophy of ‘the more I put in, the more I get out’, point me towards in the context of my own Family ‘life’ in 2025? 

Step 1, Where will I Get Out of MY Comfort Zone? I am wired for doing more; not adding to my plate, not coming up with another idea to execute, feels like I’m not doing enough. When it comes to my family, I want to challenge my assumptions, and instead of doing more, simply do the same, consistently, in 2025 – as what I’ve done in 2024. Can I accept that a date with my wife every Friday, and three more one-on-one trips for me and my daughters, is already good enough?

Step 2, How will I Develop a New Skill? Leaning into ‘small, consistent, incremental steps’ is hard. It doesn’t always have to be about doing something ‘new’ every year or adding to my plate. Repeating what works, and just sticking with it, is a new skill for me.

Step 3, How will I Create More Value? I found something that works – one-on-time with my wife and one-on-one time with my kids. Every time I do that it adds up. It is an investment we’re making in our emotional bank accounts. Executing on these one-on-one times together, makes our relationships grow and strengthen, trip by trip, date by date.

Step 4: How can I Move Up Faster? I am moving us closer, and that’s enough. Relationships aren’t business; I cannot ‘manage’ my wife and I cannot ‘manage’ my kids. When it comes to my family, closer is faster.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development is one of the longest-running studies on happiness and fulfillment. This study, started in 1938, has tracked the lives of over 700 individuals for over 80 years to understand what leads to fulfilling and successful lives.

The study highlights that close relationships, especially with family and friends, are more significant than wealth or fame in determining happiness and success.

According to the study:

This study aligns well with the idea that Tony Robbins expresses above that ‘success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure’. It shows that family provides both the stability and the motivation that often drive individuals to strive for success, not merely for the sake of success itself but for deeper fulfillment.

If you’d like to discuss your career journey with me one-to-one, please feel free to email me at [email protected] or message me on LinkedIn.

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